Over the past 15 years I’ve felt like I’ve been living at the bottom of a deep well. And everyday I’m slowly trying to climb out. Somedays I don’t even try to save myself. A few times someone has lowered down a rope that’s about a foot to short then leaves. Other days I just sit and try to come up with new ways to reach the top.

On those lifeless days I pray and plead with the Lord for help and guidance. Then I’m granted a bolt of mercy and I finally get the strength to start climbing again.

As I’m climbing, I start to get overjoyed because this time I can feel the warmth of the sun shining on face. I’m almost an the top this time, I cant believe I’m nearly there. One of my hands finally reaches the top of the wells rim and I just need one last—.

Suddenly my joy turns into darkness as someone pushes me off the edge and I fall back down the bottom.

On those days my tears start to fill the well and I think about just letting them take all the worry away. No more climbing, no more almost making it, just sweet endless rest.

But for some reason I cant stop myself from floating and no matter what I try my feet won’t touch the bottom. After awhile the my tears dry up and stillness sets in over my body and I just lay there in the emptiness of it.

I can’t get out, I cant pray my way out, I cant take my way out and all my strategies have failed me countless times.

As I lay on that cold hard ground trying to fall asleep, tormented by another day of defeat. The last thought inside my the lonely tear bubble that fell from my eye said “God you lied, this is more than I can bear”.

The next day I open my eyes and nights rain had filled the well to the top. I hurried and climbed out head first and my face hits the wet grass. I lay there wondering how this was possible. The rain nor my tears never reached the top before. I was finally out, it took sometime for my body to catch up with the realized on escape.

I turn on my back and look towards the heavens and a voice whispered back. “When you stopped trying, I knew it had become too much”.

– Author J. R. Howell

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.